God’s pals need to step up
I ran across the Left Behind series in a bookstore way back in 2002. It’s a series of novels about people left behind after the rapture (apparently when God turns on the Holy Hoover and sucks all the souls he likes upstairs), and how they band together to fight the AntiChrist. I would love to read these books, they sound like an absolute riot. But I don’t want to give the publishers money, nor do I want to raise their readership count at the library.
I was ecstatic (in a wholly spiritual and non-corporeal way) when I discovered that there’s going to be a video game based on the novels. So I rushed to their website and grabbed a copy of the trailer. Talk about dull. Other than learning that all children (even of heathens) get Raptured while non-observant layabout christies don’t get Raptured, I saw nothing.
It’s supposed to be an RTS, whose resource gathering mode involves tricking heathens to come to church groups with (a) free bake sale items, (b) inordinately attractive members of the congregation saying “Hey, do you want to come to a party?”, (c) threats of eternal suffering. Then, after the heathens are appropriately brainwashed (presumably providing your Kingdom of God with 10-20% of their annual income, which you are free to spend on alter boys, huge monuments, or exporting your particular brand of the faith overseas), you can do battle with forces of the AntiChrist. Whee!
It is worth noting that Adam, who makes a brief appearance, is wearing Holy Boxers. Which are apparently a sign that he is even more devoted than he was back when Michelangelo painted him. A clear sign that Adam wants to take a ride on the Holy Hoover. And that God has reformed himself from the wild and crazy days when he wore pink mou-mous and was willing to allow his creations wander around nekkid. That’s a God I can respect.
