My Grandmother, the Cyborg
I’ve just received word that my grandmother’s cochlear implant operation went well. For those who don’t know, a cochlear implant is a little device that’s implanted into the ear canal. The implant contains electrodes that directly stimulate the auditory nerve, under the control of a microphone and signal processor.
The whole scenario is pretty impressive (and kind of weird). The operation itself apparently took 4 hours, and involved drilling into her skull to place the electrodes. In order for her body to heal around the device, she has been informed that she can’t sneeze, cough, blow her nose, or lift heavy objects for the next few months. During that time, she’ll periodically drop by an audiologist to have the implant tuned, so that the little signal processor can be taught to stimulate her acostic nerve to produce the right “sounds”.
I’ve asked her to refrain from travelling into the past and killing the future leaders of the human resistance. She wouldn’t promise. But she did agree not to immolate anyone with her new laser vision (unless it’s the old lady who comes by and steals her tomatoes and then pretends not to speak english).
